A Single Letter
by doingstuff
Summary: Bro angst fic nobody asked for about an accident that leaves Dave lost. He is sent to John's house where suspicious letters come... Mostly sad!Dave. Hurt/comfort and Fluff/angst included. Rated M for language used and so many innuendos to course subjects. UPDATES: on Tuesdays.
1. shatter

He was gone. He wasn't here. He doesn't exist anymore.

Bro wasn't going to sing me to bed, or calm me after a nightmare. Bro was gone, and it was my fault. Why did I not pay attention? Why couldn't I have just paid attention to the lights, at the intersection?

It was so quick, it just happened too fast. One moment I was humming to a song in the car with Bro then there was a loud shatter. My arm twisted a little in the wreckage but Bro died, I got away with minor cuts and bruises. That was horrible, and dealing with it all was too much for one person; but I had to. Just thinking about going through life without him and just going to school regularly was devastating.

It all will be harder and...just? Plain weird without him.

I don't know if I can go and live my life normally. I mean if I go back to a simple life. Easy was not an answer anymore. It wasn't since that day…


	2. meager actions

A/N: Hello! Welcome and thanks for reading. Obviously this story has TW: death, depression, thoughts/mentions of suicide, and loads of this to mostly make a stor actual thought out plot and to just try to keep a consistent story going. Enjoy.

* * *

Looking out the window, I numbly gazed at the landscape rushing past, feeling absolutely hopeless and crushed. How could this of happened so quickly, and why didn't I see it coming? I felt a hand on my shoulder and I looked over to John, my friend. He was reading peacefully, normally. Like everything was fine and that me coming to live with him was just so _cool. So normal.  
_

I didn't realize I was shaking til John put a hand on my leg.

"Hey." John said, "You okay Dave?"

I shook my head then began nodding as a single tear leaked down from under my lame stupid shades. He looked at me with sympathy. John unbuckled his seat-belt, scooted next to me, and gave me a reassuring hug.

"It's fine Dave shhh…" John whispered.

He squeezed a little tighter, backed away, and pat my head.

I wanted to cry a little bit harder, but instead I looked out the window. My eyes watering betrayed the numbness I felt. John gave me a small grin, went back to his spot, buckled his seat-belt, and started reading again.

He said, "We are going to be at my house in 20 minutes!"

I kept on looking at the scenery, tuning out the radio. His Dad was driving, but I could feel his deep fatherly concern. I wasn't just going to John's house to live there because he was my friend. I was going there because that Bro was...well...

...and that my Aunt was too drunk all of the time; my Uncle somewhere non-contactable in the middle of the jungle.

I bit my lip and tried to distract myself by looking at the passing landscape. It was different than my state's scene. It was more flourished and well? Honestly more alive.

Alive like I was.

* * *

Before I knew it, we were at his house, in Washington, far far away from my state… It was sad to think that I was so far away from my house, or where I used to live. John got out of the car, and he looked at me with sympathy. Again…I frowned, and went to the car's trunk. Dad Egbert opened it, and let me and John get our suitcases.

I got my bag, sighing sadly.

This bag reminded me too much of Bro, it was just too devastating to have an item they once cherished. The stickers and bent cover of the suitcase gave meaning to the luggage. John walked to his house and opened up the door for me to go inside first. I nodded to him and gave him a weak smile, thinking lightly of how he was being such a gentleman today. I walked inside the house. First off, it smelled like cake. I would soon figure out what the cake smell entailed.

Looking around his house, I saw a fireplace, and a mantle with a picture of John's Nanna on it. Over to the right of the fireplace was these weird statues and some shelves. The stairs were on the other side of the room leading into a curved up way. To the left was a door probably leading to where the cake smell was the strongest.

I looked around, and looked at John. He looked worried for some reason, but he smiled, and said, "Uh- Dave we can go upstairs and put your stuff there…"

I nodded.

Well, this wasn't all my stuff, but some (mostly inherited) was going to get sold for money for schooling here, or shipped here so...

I followed John upstairs, and rounded the corner.

"Here is my room Dave!" John said as he presented it, waving his arms with enthusiasm.

It looked clean, and it had-

Oh god.

John no-

I took a few steps back from the doorway, and from the monster. My body trembled, I almost screamed and ran away from it. From...

"What Dave?" John asked me in a puzzled voice.

"Those fricking Nic Cage posters dude…" I said and pointed at them.

I gave him a panicked look and backed away slowly from his room.

"Dave…" His excited hands fell.

"No." I shook my head, tore away from his room.

Out the front door, I was breathing hard and I knew I had to get away. Away where? ANYWHERE NOT HERE.

This life was not for me, I…. I took a deep breath to calm myself.

John came out the door I, in panic, slammed shut only seconds before.

"Hey….Dave? What's wrong?" He tried to gain his breath, "I mean…"

"No John." I stopped next to his mailbox and held my head.

"I'm sorry its not the fucking amazing Nic Cage I just-" I took a deep breath in, "I can't-"

I burst into tears.

"I-Its just th-that's it's not my fucking room."

I hit my hand down on the mailbox.

I took a deep breath, "and- and well- it's all gone to absOLUTE.

"FRICKING SHIT."

I glanced at John furtively, his mouth was a little open, blue eyes a little wet too. Damn- No. Not him too...I just. There was too many tears today for my taste and I was suppose to be the tough cool guy. I put a hand over my mouth because the last word...was a bit loud. I felt bad, horrible.

He opened his mouth.

"Are you going to throw up?" He asked me.

"No."

I removed my hand from my mouth, my stomach twisting. Maybe I was going to lose my meager lunch...maybe not; but it wouldn't matter since everything was shit. I knew at that moment that I was messed up and the real story of how the accident actually happened was messed up too. At that moment I didn't know it...but it was only a matter of time before the mail came.


	3. nothing done

The second and many days at Egbert's house were gross.

Now it was officially a month before school would start and I was starting to get into a routine.

Get up. Eat all three meals. Laze around. Read an assigned summer book for his school. Laze around some more. Try to take a ten minute shower, pat down hair. Turn down cake. Try to not sleep on my arm because it still hurt a bit from the….wreck.

I didn't do much but I could tell the Egberts; John and his dad were keeping an eye on me. I would be sitting in the living room watching America's Next Top Model or just anything shitty and I would hear someone come into the room then exit. At least five times in the span of an hour this would happen.

To be intuitive about this fact did make tensions higher in the house since they knew I knew. I was just hanging onto the fact that I was still living even though something in my life was completely broken. I didn't want a therapist since I have never had one in my life and I didn't want to start because I didn't want to be a burden.

I was on the couch, thinking about how I could try to be less lazy and stop making my new "family" worry. One thing I could do was clean the house or get a job. _Something._ Maybe I could go make a case and plead to live with my drunk ass Aunt and her smart daughter that reads dark shit and knits all the time. Rose was weird to talk to but she weirdly sounded normal now.

I closed my eyes.

I really had no idea how long I was in my murky thoughts when I felt a hand on my hair.

"Woah-!" My eyes flew open, the room dim because of my shades.

It was John and he was smoothing back my hair. This motion didn't feel bad but the surprise of it made my heart race.

"How are you feeling Dave?" John rested his hand on my forehead for a moment, drew his hand back.

"I'm fine." I sat up, "I was just wondering if I could help around more...like cleaning or getting a job."

"Oh- No Dave you really don't have to-" John's cheeks reddened as he said this.

John sat down, "Dave. Listen."

He smoothed down his shirt that was already smooth and I sat up straighter.

"You can do that but don't you think it's a bit too soon?" He sighed, "Yes. You have come to my house for a week to visit. Yes, I did the same for you in the past for fun but you should get more settled before you make any big changes. I just think you should relax more...like light exercise is a start? It doesn't matter to me but we could exercise together if you want?"

"Oh…." I took a tentative step back in my mind.

He really did notice things when he wanted to. How did he know how much I do exercise anyway? It was a thing I mostly kept to myself. John looked out the windows, the light reflecting off his hair in a halo of pure sunshine. He was trying so I had to try.

"Okay..." I trailed off and looked at my hands, veiny and long.

"Dave I know this only because you said once you love to sword fight with Bro for hours."

John laughed lightly but was suddenly cut off.

I breathed in, my eyes widening.

"Oh shit- sorry." John said.

He wrung his hands together.

I shook my head. I didn't want to burst into tears or run away like I had the first day. So I calmed my turmoil, regained my composure. I stood calmly.

"I gotta go to bed."

It was three pm when I said this.

The guest bedroom was still being made into my room and since all my stuff wasn't here yet from across the nation so it wasn't much yet.

I laid in my bed, the lights off, it was dark. Thoughts of suicide were dribbling in again right before sleep. I could...but really couldn't do that to the Egberts. There was already one death in my life and I didn't need to make it hell for someone else.

"Dave?" John knocked on the door and entered, the hallway light streaming into the room.

I squinted, "What?"

"You got some mail. Not all your clothes and stuff yet but it's a letter."


	4. black pills

I woke up in a cold sweat, fear aching in my bones and my temples pulsing. Shadows were dancing around my room and I knew I needed some form of comfort.

"John..." I reached out in the dark.

No I couldn't.

I counted to 100.

My breathing returned to normal.

The nightmares were coming back. Whenever I got stressed I would have them. Bro used to checked up on me every time before he went to bed which was three am because of the jobs he worked: a DJ and salesman. Separate jobs that were both part time.

In the late night all my dreams were consumed by screaming metal and ever-changing traffic lights. Even before… that crash. Back then Bro always woke me up in an embrace and would pat my arm. That was the only time I let someone touch me. Those moments when the sun would rise and I would wearily rest my head on Bro's chest, both of us together, watching.

A mutual understanding of easiness defined our relationship, with no words. There was just actions and pushing each other to new lengths. It was wonderful and exhilarating.

Now it felt like.

A black hole.

I felt that black hole in my chest, anxiety building up. I wanted to sword fight, do something with someone, or just be loved. The Strider way was without words and above all coolness but without the other Strider...there was something missing.

I stood from my bed, I grabbed the letter that was handed off to me only hours ago. Maybe it was time...late into the night from an uneasy nightmare to open this. My fingers gripped the paper of the the light blue envelope tighter.

My hands were illuminated by the moonlight. I turned it over, scratched the seal of the paper.

I stopped.

Maybe it was just an ordinary letter, maybe it wasn't. I flipped it over, inspecting it a bit closer. Where the stamp was suppose to go was a hat icon.

A hat?

It seemed familiar...was it? Was it what I thought it was?

I ripped it open. I was now holding a folded up piece of paper. My hands were shaking, I licked my lips. I unfolded it and immediately scoffed.

Was it a joke?

It read: "Be safe. Stay hidden."

I was mad. I threw the paper down and drew a hoarse breath. What the hell did that mean? It DIDN'T EXPLAIN ANYTHING. It felt like a slap to the face since it didn't explain _anything._ I looked down and noticed that my hands were shaking. I needed sleep. I just needed to sleep forever.

I took four sleeping pills letting the pills spill on the nightstand. I wasn't overdosing but I did a double dose. I didn't care.

While I was falling asleep my thoughts still churned. Maybe the simple words were so infuriating since there wasn't an open casket or that our bank accounts were drained the day after...well.

He was gone.

And that was that.


	5. new stuff

Humming to myself, I was zoned out; laying on my bed, resting my eyes when John knocked once and came in.

"Yeah?" I sat up quickly, dizzy, "Woah."

My shades were off but I didn't care if I had them on because it was John. I've told him that I had a weird eye color so he might as well see. He was looking at the ground, the door creaking open wider.

"Dave-" John was leaning against the frame, "Oh wow, your eyes…."

He gaped at them.

I stared back at him, searching his face for anything but his stare pierced deep in me and I looked away.

"Sorry." John apologized.

"You're fine." I affirmed, still looking away.

My cheeks felt a little warm but I tried to play it cool.

"So..." I looked him in the eye intentionally, "What's up."

"Okay so, sorry to intrude but can you come downstairs…?"

"Sure bro-" I mentally slapped myself, "Dude."

I laid back down before I could see his pitying reaction or anything worse.

"Be there in a bit." I closed my eyes, exhausted from doing absolutely nothing.

The envelope that I got tore up my insides and stabbed me in the heart. Whenever he would go out shopping or during the day-I swore-he wore that hat? Maybe...maybe not...I really needed more sleep. I was crazy. That double dose was starting to get to me and it was only…?

I checked my phone. Ten am. I laid back, forgetting if he wanted me now or sooner now. I might of fallen asleep but a knock disrupted my conscious body. John entered my "domain" anyway. I just wanted to chill with my depression. No Johns allowed to cheer me up.

I could feel the open space, and one short boy: John standing in the guest bedroom. My room apparently.

"Hey Dave?" John stepped to my bed.

There were only a faint swooshing sound of a car passing by his house.

"Dave?" He sounded more frantic, "Shit- Dave are you okay-!"

I felt his hand on my shoulder shaking me.

"Yes, yes sorry." I said with my eyes closed.

"Dave are you sur-" He hitched.

"I heard you when you came in the first time." I sat up, black spots at the edge of my vision.

"Oh-" John was breathing hard, "Shit. I was so worried."

"What?" I was confused.

"Dave you have pills, spilled on your nightstand, what was I suppose to think?"

"John no." I could feel myself pale, "I would never."

"Then why didn't you respond right away?"

"I don't know...I kinda took a double dose. I have never taken a double dose but I was having…problems."

John said, "What? How come?"

"Ah…nightmares. Thinking about my Aunt and if I should move in with her for a bit." I said.

"Dave please," John put a hand on my shoulder, "You don't have to feel obligated to leave or stay. What you do is up to you if you have put some thought into it. Just….please let me know a week ahead of time? "

"Ok." I sighed, "I just have been lazing around the house all day….and that makes me feel so bad."

"Dave please. You have doing fine. Though I don't really like your laziness and it bugs me just a little just keep on reading the exciting shakespeare the school assigned us and try figure out some exercises to do since I skimmed an article that said that exercise can help the mind as well as the body in the loNG RUN."

He winked at me, raising his eyebrows.

"John oh my god. You nerd." I glared at him but a smile broke out on my face.

He started laughing, covering his mouth with his hand.

I started laughing along with him, really aware of my red eyes, how much emotion they told John in this conversation. I didn't have my protection; my shades so I let the laughs grow louder, my eyes flickering to the floor even more than John. It frightened me how much I told him. How much my eyes gave away even if I wanted to lie.

The good feeling vanished when John told me.

We stopped laughing when John put a hand on my knee, arranging a serious look on his face.

"Okay so. I asked you to come downstairs since I have a package and I am not sure if we should even open it...since uh."

"What?" I leaned in closer, looked into his glasses, seeing my own crazy reflection and his eyes, scared.

"Uhmmmm..." He slightly leaned away, cheeks pink.

"Tell me."

I pushed him down on the bed, meant to be roughhousing and well...I was mad. Ever since that accident I guess you could say everything was out of sorts in my head. Maybe it was the lack of food, exercise, or the flood or hormones but I was pinning John down on the bed, looking down at him, no shades.

He tried to move his wrists, eyes wide.

"Dave-" He squeaked.

"John tell me now." I growled.

"The package said it was from...your brother."

* * *

 _ **A/N:** lemme explain things. Sorry I haven't been updating as often as I should? i wrote this chapter a week ago but forgot to post it. ahh im so sorry for that! thou i am not in this fandom anymore, i still love the characters/ideas. so here we have sum class A angst about bro nobody asked for. *dabs* WHEN U WRITE A STORY FOR URSELF. (orginally what dirty laundry in the voltron fandom was for..) So these days I can *ahem* write as many sicfics as i want to and try to finish them._


	6. thoughts unopening

The sentence seemed to drip and ooze out of my best friend's mouth.

I was confused and yet so sure. So very sure.

But I had to make sure.

With: "From...him?"

I was staring down at John and how vulnerable he was on the bed. How without my shades my eyes told the story of my thoughts and more.

"Er...I guess?" John blushed a bit deeper, glancing away.

"Oh wow." I said in fake wonder, not sure how to deal with this.

"Can you...?" John squeaked out.

"Oh..." I trailed off.

The next second I realized what he _really_ meant. It was like a jolt of electricity hit me. And I reacted gracefully by jumping up and away.

"Sorry-! I didn't mean to...for so long. I was just playing like I used to...with others." I tried to explain, scratching my neck, looking elsewhere than my friend.

I cleared my throat, scooting away while John sat up.

John rubbed both his wrists with a faint smile.

"It's fine. I guess we have to practice wrestling to do that better...or do some other...exercise. You know. You really have never taken me up on that deal Dave."

"Oh." I nodded, "I didn't mean to I just have been...doing things."

I did nothing all day.

We both knew this.

There was an awkward silence for a couple of seconds.

"Welp." I said, trying to get us off track, "Let's go open that package!"

All my nerves were tingling and I hadn't eaten dinner or breakfast yet so my body felt light as hell.

"Ok!" John jumped up whilst exclaiming; "Wait- Lemme go get my special box cutter!"

I scoffed, "A special one?"

"Of course!" He smiled and ran out of the room to his horror of a room.

I stood up from my bed and looked at myself in the mirror. Did not wearing my glasses really change that much about me? Is that why John felt uncomfortable me pinning him or that Bro told me to keep up the 'shade wearing' because I had to keep it hidden? Was that it?

I sighed, messing up my overgrown blonde hair on purpose and sauntered out of the guest...I meant my room. My bedroom.

With no shades.

The square box was sitting in the living room on the coffee table in front of the fireplace. I sat on the couch, wanting to open it and also I wanted to wait to make fun of John's lame box cutter. Even if he smiled over it like it was the best thing in the world then laugh like it was a very funny joke.

He always laughed more than I ever did.

"This is a mistake." I voiced aloud.

Where...did that come from?

Was all this guilt getting to me or was it the fact that I was going crazy by the thought of him being alive? John or Bro? Bro or John? Where did my loyalties lie?

Before my thoughts could cause me a mental breakdown or more John came in holding a metal object that resembled a rectangle more than a box cutter.

"Is that...?"

"It's vintage!"

"Nice." I commented.

What I expected is not what I got plus the thoughts of Bro kept my mind busy so my provoking words were sucked from me.

"Ok." I breathed in shakily, "Do it."

John nodded solemnly and made the first cut. It took a little more wrist than I thought but the whole encounter set my heart was pounding. My arm seemed to have a phantom pain though it as it was the day of the accident. I breathed in, gasping.

"Shit." I said, looking inside the box.

I couldn't believe it.

* * *

 _ **A/N:** I was looking at the stats for this story and I was like "oh...maybe i can and should update it". SO here i am with a small update and thank you so so so much for reading!_


	7. it is

"Dave are you okay?" John asked me, eyes widening, looking into my crimson ones, "We can leave now."

I stared at what was inside longer.

"Please Dave...you're scaring me." He tried to take the box away.

"No!" I snapped, letting myself take in each detail, "Stop it. This is important."

It was _his_ gloves, hat, and on the side of the box: a journal I have never seen before.

What did I expect?

John was staring at me, I was staring at the box.

It reminded me of what happened at back then when I was first "sorted out" by the social workers and people. How I was alone in the apartment for a while, packing away what I wanted while looking for a reason or things Bro hid. Not this. I couldn't find what this...journal was?

"I think I gotta go to the roof to figure this out." I was now gripping the leather bound thing in my hands, it was worn with age.

"...Why exactly?"

I looked to John and he was confused, wide eyed, and pitiful.

"Oh shit. Not that. I gotta live to figure this out." I took an unsteady breath, "Its just that the roof was kinda...our thing?"

"Ok." John nodded and got up when I did, "Just wait though. I'll grab you something to eat and a blanket. It gets windy up there."

He left the room almost running, saying, "I'll be like...two minutes! Time me!"

"Sounds good." I smiled at this.

I didn't time him but stood there for a couple of seconds, still holding it.

Then I went upstairs to grab my shades. _This_ crash experiment wasn't needed anymore. I needed my shades now. I needed them to cover up what I was going to do.

I was feeling quite grim but found myself still smiling at John's silliness. The expression fell immediately but I couldn't help but feeling a warm feeling in my chest at this caring gesture.

* * *

 _ **A/N**_ : _yay weekly updates._


	8. back when plus now moments

The roof of course didn't tell me its secrets within the first ten minutes so I sat. I sat through the day, through the sunset, and later the night. I sat with the journal next to me while the gloves, and hat already sitting in my sparse room.

I was still on the roof.

So I pondered all that has happened.

The moment of the crash everything in my life shattered gone so quickly. Then the long journey from state to state and fatherly concern from both John and his Dad. There was so much to do before I was shipped off with John and his Father. The social worker that was assigned to my case wasn't sure about shipping me off to a different family and state. She didn't know what to do with me. She felt better about it after I told her I have been at his place and that I messaged John everyday.

There was also the case of that Bro had John's family listed on his will for anything doing with me. There was also a lot of legal jargon in his will. I skimmed some paragraphs since I was in it but I had a headache thirty minutes into it.

There was a long chat between me and my social worker about what was going to happen. The social worker was sure she could send me to my drunk aunt but then stopped speaking after she read the six DUIs on her record. I read a bit of my aunt's record over her shoulder while coming back from the bathroom. She then found out that my _uncle_ was so isolated in the jungle she wouldn't be able to contact him for some time. So he was out.

Then they _had_ to look at sending me to John's. And it worked out. Thankfully.

Something went right in my life.

Then I packed everything and found a lot of weird things in the apartment.

All of my shit _still_ hasn't been sent here yet.

When I was packing I found some clowns in the back of a closet, a lot of random keys, and a blanket from when I was a kid.

I packed for around two or maybe five(?) days before John and his Dad showed up. I wasn't keeping track of time. I was concerned about getting everything in order, rationing what meager things were in the cupboard, and to try to take care of myself for some semblance of my mental health staying intact.

The reaction John had while picking me up was to say hi, hug me like usual in his dorky way, and then he helped me move out of the apartment that was already listed. I checked. I knew. Retailers were sharks. Also government workers were really on their toes for getting jobs done.

They wanted me out as soon as possible. Also they wanted to sell the things right away to pocket some for themselves and give me some money to be happily on my way.

So I went with John.

At John's house.

I noticed other things at _John's_ house like it was on the complete edge of the block. I also noted that he had a muthafricking tire swing in his backyard or...front yard? Who knew what these suburban builders meant. I was wearing shades and in the dark but it didn't matter at the time. I was enjoying the scenery very dim scenery.

I tried to grab a handful of Doritos to chow down on but they were all gone. I almost wished for cake but with a twist of my stomach I grimaced. I was starting to get really sick of the sweet fluffy stuff. Even if it was the smell. I tried bundling up with the blanket more but the chills were starting to get to me. So I sighed, grabbed everything with my left arm and hopped down from the roof easily.

As soon I was inside, John put down his nerdy high fantasy book and looked up at me setting down all the stuff I brought up on his floor.

I looked at John and not his creepy posters.

"Did you find what you were looking for?" John inquired to me.

"Not really...but. Did you know you have a tire swing?" I asked truthfully.

I was shifting from foot to foot.

"Oh really?!" John fake smiled widely, "Wait. No really. It's been there for years."

"Oh..." I noted.

I hadn't noticed a lot of huge details lately.

Being depressed and all that. Especially since the nightmares have been coming back. I was uncomfortable with the fact that I noted his layout in depth like a newcomer but

"Oh by the way..." John trailed off.

"What?" I sat on his bed.

He turned to me.

"Sooo..." He continued this time, "Care to explain how you got onto the actual roof? I thought you meant the outdoor patio-landing thing but you got onto the actual real roof?"

"Impressed with my ninja skills Egbert?"

He turned pink.

"No!" John sputtered, "Only that I may or MAY NOT of tried climbing that sloped roof and well...I've been here longer? I don't know. I just want to sit up there and look at the stars."

That stung a bit. But my shades were covering it. I was here as to get me back on my feet and here John was worrying about how to get on his _own_ roof that took him years and me minutes.

I cleared my throat and just let it slide off. It wasn't his fault or mine.

I was taking it personally.

So said with a vague accent: "Oh, well let me school you then my grasshopper."

"Shut up!" John laughed.

"Come on then." I said and grabbed the blanket.

He followed me out onto the landing.

It was maybe going to be alright after all.

I was going to put off my plans of self-destructive behavior.

And I was going to put off reading the journal that would tell me a lot of things that I didn't need to know right now.

* * *

A/N: Sorry the chapter update wasn't on the reg day! I've been a bit depressed and stressed. Sorry but here you go. One day late. This chapter is just some gap filling and angst.

*cough* also I am going to reread it and like -groom-out parts to make it better.

thank you for reading!


	9. how do you even respond to all this?

"Hey Dave."

"Hm...?" I sat up in bed, half awake, half asleep.

"I'm going to go for a walk and listen to my book."

"Okay have fun." I yawned.

And that was the start to my day.

So I continued my day by doing nothing. That's right. I just went downstairs and laid down on the couch. I was too tired to sleep so I only thought.

Choosing the stagnant path isn't always easy.

I decided to put the journal under my bed yesterday and found that I stashed the suitcase I originally arrived with underneath the bed too. There were the stickers all over it and an air-ness of Bro to the bag. It was him. Along with the journal that could destroy or help my life.

The accident seemed to shape my guilty survivor mindset even more. Only I got away and Bro...he. What happened. My whole life now was wrapped up a second of misfortune. Bro worked so hard, two jobs, checking up on me when he could and just caring so much. He cared and now I am left to care for myself and I don't think I can. John _even_ noticed it. When I came here; I was just a mess.

I'm still a mess.

Some main character I am.

School will start tomorrow so today was left to having a crisis. I knew I wasn't going to finish the summer assigned homework.

The roof did not help me whatsoever.

The universe seemed to have it out for me. Whatever would happen would just happen. It didn't seem to matter anymore.

My things that I packed a month ago still weren't here. I was avoiding John's ever increasing requests for exercise or to do something new that didn't wreck havoc on my oh so delicate mental health. There was sleep which I wasn't getting very much of and not to mention the new things that popped up; in letter and box form. I had no idea what they really meant. I was just as lost as anytime.

I was very lost on the Egbert's couch, deciding what I should do next.

Do I even deserve breakfast today?

That added to the gloom and in the midst of all this Dad Egbert came in the room.

I froze, not wanting to appear weak. It was ingrained into me to be tough and with this thing that happened...I was just a sob fest waiting to happen these days. It was still early morning but I did not expect this sudden attack. Or- A talk?

He came up to the couch where I was sitting.

"Do you want to deliver some cake with me?" He asked, "It always makes me feel better. And baking helps the nerves."

"Oh..." I trailed off.

I have lived in his house for almost a straight month and I have not had a full conversation with him once. Just one question then one one word answer. That was it.

I cleared my throat since now was a good time as any.

"I...would like to do that. Rain check? Thank you for asking."

"Oh." He looked surprised, "Okay. Looking forward to it."

"Thanks."

"No problem son." He said easily then froze himself.

We stared at each other for five full seconds.

"Bye." Mr. Egbert said suddenly.

"Good-bye." I responded.

He left the house.

I?

Oof-

How do I even respond to that?

I let myself think more but I was just so tired from not sleeping during the night and having nightmares.

I was awoken by knocks at the door some time later.

John was out and his dad left. I didn't even know how long they have both been gone.

I ignored it sat on the couch quite literally doing nothing. I was still wallowing in my own pity. I wasn't going to deal with the outside world and I wasn't going to see what was up with the journal. School was just another thing added to the list of 'things that is wrong with me'. I just wanted to stop thinking of everything and I wanted just to be alone.

There was another knock but I didn't want to get up.

Coming downstairs was a big step for me.

I couldn't

The doorbell rang. Then three loud knocks.

I groaned.

My reasoning was that I didn't want to pay for a new door.

It trumped my bad mood.

So I got up.

I answered the door and recoiled.

Before me was a boy about on the lesser side of short wearing a black sweater in this clammy Washington weather. He looked pissed as hell as well as almost dead looking.

"Dude are you ok? You look sick. Do you want me to driv- A ride from some else from the hospital?"

"Shut the fuck up."

"Excuse me?" I leaned against the door frame and _really_ looked at the guy.

"I said why didn't you answer the door sooner you shit for brains."

He had his black hair fluffed up a lot, wore a less than welcoming expression, and had his arms crossed.

"You a friend of John's?" I asked with a grim tone.

"Yea kinda. And I know you brother, Dirk Strider."

The world stopped for a moment and I had to catch my breath.

"What?"

"Have you read the journal yet?"

"Uh. No." I gulped.

"Oh fuck me then. You have a lot to learn. Jesus fucking christ. I even send them- Just. Geez. Can I fucking come inside I am freezing my ass off out here."

"Uh. Wait. Yea but. What is your name?"

"You can call me Karkat."

"Come in."

* * *

 _ **A/N:** I changed updates on the weekends since I am consistanty updating on sunday. thank u so much for reading. _


	10. the everything changes

**A/N:** I am sorry for putting the author note on the top. I have a very important announcement that may affect the writing and this fanfic in total.

My dad was in a motorcycle accident. I didn't pull from experience for this story and I am so sorry if I sounded like...too lax about this situation. I am feeling better since it happened but not that good about this fic. Seeing him in that state of hurt, trauma, and just overall physical pain made me feel made me so emotional that I have a better understanding for writing this story. My dad had broken ribs and staples in his head but he is alive.

I have to put a hiatus on this story to deal with reality things. I'm being sent to a different state for two weeks so this story will be on hold for 2-4 weeks.

I am sorry. Please bear with me.

* * *

I led the stranger to my room since I didn't want the Egberts to find out that I brought someone over. I didn't even know if I could bring someone over. I haven't really been out to meet new people. So the dude I thought about kicking out just after I let him in just makes himself at home by laying on my bed, glancing around my room. I only stood by my closet door. I didn't know what to say to the grey-skinned boy who just looked really freaking sick. My eyes only could stare at him, taking in who he was. Or _what_ he was.

"Take a picture. It will fucking last longer." He spat out at me.

"Dude. Chill. I don't even know what you want."

"You know what I want." Karkat sat up from his before lax position.

"Shut up." I said, "I don't. Tell me why you are here."

"Did you get the second letter?"

"The box?"

"LETTER. The goddamn letter. I said _second_ letter didn't I?"

"No."

"Oh shit." Karkat's eyes widened.

Karkat stood up suddenly and was pacing around the room muttering 'oh shit' the entire time under his breath.

"What happened?"

"It's on a need-to-know basis Strider. Geez. You are as annoying as the other one." He huffed, still pacing back and forth in the room.

"What the fuck?" I was confused and frankly a little angry right now.

"Ok." He suddenly stopped moving, "You need to get off your ass and read that journal. Then when you have that fucking done, come and get me. Oh. Also. John can't read the journal. He can't know about me either."

I took off my shades, and just gave him a very confused look.

"Oh. So you know more than I thought. Fucking gold star. Please, shit-for-brains that won't work on me. I am a species that is immune to your, uh, I could say _'curse'_. Have you shown anyone your eyes?"

"Only John."

Karkat groaned loudly.

"FOR FUCKS SAKE!" He screamed into his hands.

"What did I do oh-so-grand-Karkat the stupid."

"You have majorly fucked up. Oh my god."

He began shaking.

I knew the situation changed and now I was getting scared. I stared at him, he walked from his position in the room and stood in front of me.

"What?" I could barely get it out.

"John is a trickster." He said.

"And?" I was still on edge.

"You have red eyes."

"SO?"

"You kill tricksters."

I felt dizzy all over.


End file.
